Naruto CRACK! Drabble
by DPAK
Summary: Just a collection of silly, CRACK!ish Naruto drabble. Seventh: Naruto finds a kitten. Rated T for language.
1. YAHOO

Hello everyone! This is the beginning of my Naruto Crack! Drabble series. I write crack! Better than that serious stuff, and I don't always write out full fics of crack! Therefore, this will be a collection of the crack! I am unable to put into fics.

This first one is primarily focused on Kiba's loud mouth and Shino. It is also based off something one of my friends did in the college cafeteria. I dedicate this one to every single one of my friends. And, no, this is not ShinoKiba, but I do plan on posting some of that at some point.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, or any of it's characters.

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"YAHOO!" Kiba yelled, causing everyone in Ichiraku's to stare at him. Actually, they had been staring at him for about thirty minutes or so, as the dog nin had been yelling random, sometimes obscene things since he first sat down. Shino shook his head in disgust, while Hinata averted her gaze, her trademark blush covering her face. Naruto was not helping the situation by laughing very loudly at Kiba's antics, occasionally encouraging him by offering suggestions of what to do next.

"Hey Kiba! Jump on the table dattebayo!" Naruto yelled, even though they were only sitting less than five feet from each other.

Kiba gladly accepted this offer, kicking over his glass of water and knocking his ramen off of the table. He pumped his fists above his head, shouting at the top of his lungs, "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"

Shino huffed in frustration and promptly got out of his seat and quickly exited the ramen shop.

"SHINO! HEY SHINO! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME, SHINO!" Kiba yelled, earning a glare from the Aburame as he exited. "SHINOOOOOO! COME BACK SHINO! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Kiba leapt off the table and landed on his hands and knees, "WHY DO THEY ALWAYS LEAVE! I LOVED HIM! WHY OH WHY IS FATE SO CRUEL!"

Kiba stood and, in his mock misery, turned to a random Konoha resident and wailed, "Is there something wrong with me?! Why do they always-!"

His words were cut off as Shino darted back into the building and clamped his hand over Kiba's mouth. Cheers erupted across the ramen shop at the sudden, much needed quiet. Shino glared at the Inuzaka, feeling the younger smile beneath his hand. He harshly whispered into his team mate's ear, "_I fucking hate you._"


	2. YOUTH

Heh. This was fun to write. This one is inspired by a convo me and a friend had one day while watching Gundam Wing… How we started on this topic, I don't know. BE WARNED: This is KakaGai, because it amuses me.

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"Gai-sensei!" Lee barged into his most respected teacher's room, oblivious to any warning sign that he should not enter. Though Lee was a ninja, he never seemed to catch onto things as quickly as his rival Neji. Perhaps if he had been paying just a little more attention, he would have noticed the strewn clothing and sounds of 'youth' emerging from his sensei's chambers. But let's not linger on the 'what ifs'. What Lee walked in on would have been enough to scar most people for life. Fortunately for his sanity and possibly his eyes, Lee did not quite understand WHAT was going on. "Gai-sensei… why are you and Kakashi-sensei fighting without your clothes on?"

"OUT!" Kakashi shouted while searching for a shuriken to throw at the confused Lee.

"But I merely wish to know what youthful activity you are engaging in!" Lee proclaimed as a recently found shuriken lodged into the doorframe. Lee stared wide-eyed at it and began to run, yelling, "HOW UNYOUTHFUL OF YOU, KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Kakashi grunted and grabbed his pants in a huff.

"Kakashi, my rival, what are you doing?" Gai asked, placing his hand on Kakashi's shoulder.

"Getting dressed." Kakashi replied, now almost completely clothed. "I'm not in the mood anymore thanks to that… incident."

"But Kakashi!" Gai cried out with a hint of a whine.

"No means no, Gai!"


	3. BOXERS

A/N: This was a lovely and funny theme given to me by my friend Kirihana. She loves crack and ShinoKiba as much as I do and let me take over this prompt for her. Oh, and Van, I'm currently working on the GaiSaku drabble. It is, indeed, a challenge.

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"Hey Shino! Hey Shino!" Kiba called as he ran towards the strolling Aburame.

"Hn." Shino grunted, stopping to turn and face his annoying team mate. "What is it Kiba?"

Kiba took a second to catch his breath, "I gotta question for ya!"

Shino sighed, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. Knowing Kiba, the question would be about something idiotic or covering embarrassing topic, like the time he inquired where babies came from. That was a… fun topic for the serious bug nin to explain to the immature Inuzuka. Fornicate was Kiba's favorite word for nearly two weeks after the horrendous discussion.

"What is it?" Even if the question was stupid, Shino knew better than to ignore Kiba. Doing such a heinous thing would lead to ceaseless annoyance.

"Did you leave yer boxers at my house? Cause I found a pair of boxers in my bed and they ain't mine." Kiba announced loudly, gaining the stare of several villagers. One day, Shino was going to teach Kiba the importance of keeping personal matters quiet, even if he had to beat it into him.

"No, Kiba. They aren't mine."

"You sure?"

"Yes I am." Shino replied, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. "There are two good reasons why they can't be mine. First, I've never taken off any clothing at your house. And two, I don't wear boxers."

Kiba took a second to process this information before a wide, mischievous grin spread across his face. He threw his arm around his companion, "So you go commando? Shino.. How surprisingly naughty of you!"

Shino shook his head in disgust and disbelief at his teammate's sheer stupidity.

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A/N: On a side note: the boxers in Kiba's bed belong to Kankuro. Don't ask.


	4. NAME

A/N: I promise I'm working on that GaiSaku drabble, but it's hard for me to get it written. In the meantime, here is another entertaining idea from kirihana. She used the same concept for a Gundam Wing fic, N is for Names, but we thought it would make a fun Naruto CRACK! Drabble. Enjoy.

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"Kakashi-sensei!" Team 7 had just started their mid-training break when Naruto started poking Kakashi. "Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi rolled his eyes and gently set aside his newest _Icha Icha_ novel. He was hoping for a nice quiet break, but that never seemed to happen with Naruto around. "Yes, Naruto?"

"Well, I was just thinking-"

"You think?!" Sakura interrupted and Naruto stuck his tongue out at her.

"Anyway, I was just wondering what ya have to do to become a member of ANBU." Naruto finished, leaning in closer to the jounin, his eyes wide as saucers.

Either they no longer taught this at the academy or Naruto just never paid attention. Kakashi was betting it was the second option. With a sigh, he said sarcastically, "It's simple, Naruto. You just have to kill your own name."

"Really?!" Naruto exclaimed. He seemed happy with this answer for a minute before he thought it over. "But… wait… how do you have a name then? You were in ANBU, right?"

"Yes, Naruto. I was." Kakashi stated, not believing how gullible his pupil was. "But your name is revived whenever you quit ANBU."

"Ohhhhhhhh! …Wait… how do you go about killing your name?"

"If you think about it, it just comes to you. I'm sure you'll figure it out someday. I bet Sasuke already has… if that's his name anymore…"

Naruto growled and jumped back, pointing somewhat accusingly at Kakashi. "I'M GONNA KILL MY NAME BEFORE SASUKE DOES-TTEBAYO!"

With that, Naruto disappeared into the trees, looking for a place to contemplate the murder. Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and picked up his book once again.

"So how long before he figures it out?" Sakura asked, sharpening her kunai.

"I don't know. But at least we'll have a couple days of quiet."


	5. TRAINING

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates on this increasingly silly drabble series. This is actually the sequel to the 'YOUTH' drabble (second chapter). It was fun to write. :3 Pairings: VERY implied KakaGai, implied ShikaTem, implied ShinoKibaKankuro (it's my OT3 from Naruto lol), and VERY implied GaaLee. Or perhaps LeeGaa in this case. :3

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Gai had spent several hours attempting to talk to Lee after the "unyouthful naked Kakashi" event in an attempt to explain to the oblivious teen what his beloved sensei had been doing. However, Gai was not exactly the best person for the job…

"So you and Kakashi-sensei were training."

"Yes. Youthful training."

"Naked."

"Yes."

Lee nodded in understanding, grinning widely. He struck the good guy pose, "I understand, Gai-sensei! I, too, shall find one with which to train like you and Kakashi-sensei did so youthfully!"

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"Neji, my rival! Gai-sensei has informed me of a new type of training!"

"That's good."

"Will you train with me and participate in the youthful activities like our much respected Gai-sensei and his eternal rival Kakashi-sensei?"

"No."

"But-"

"No means no, Lee."

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Lee sighed, quite unusual for his normally chipper behavior, as he sat down on the bench outside Ichiraku's Ramen shop. This uncharacteristic depression quickly melted away as a certain red-haired Kazekage happened to walk by. Said Kazekage was own his way away from the Hokage's office after a supposedly important meeting. His sister had wandered off shortly after said meeting to spend time with her lazy boyfriend and Kankuro had abandoned him after spying a certain brash dog ninja and his stoic companion, leaving Gaara alone to wander around Konoha with no real destination. Poor Gaara. However, Lee did not know any of this. All Lee knew was that he had found a potential training partner.

"Gaara-kun! Gaara-kun!" Lee exclaimed, jumping from the bench while waving his arms wildly. The Kazekage faced the oddly dressed ninja and stared at him almost amusedly. Well… as close to amusedly as the mostly emotionless boy could get. The Lotus of Konoha jogged to his friend and struck his signature pose. "Gai-sensei has informed me of a new type of youthful training!"

"…And?"

"And my rival Neji has already refused to train with me!"

"…So?"

"So would you participate in a round of youthful training with me, Gaara-kun!"

"…" Gaara was very bored and still slightly agitated from the long meeting. Sparring with Lee might help to alleviate these problems. "Fine."

"Good!" Lee grabbed Gaara's arm and began to drag him in the direction of his apartment, not the training grounds as Gaara had expected. "First we shall go to my bedroom! Then we must rid ourselves of our clothing! Then-"

"…" As Lee continued to list off the steps of the questionable training, Gaara began to wonder what he had gotten himself into…


	6. BIRTHDAY

A/N: I know this is a week late. I apologize but I was too lazy to type it up. And this one is slightly more serious than the other drabbles... I HAVE FAILED YOU AS A CRACK FANFICTION WRITER! TT DPAK CRIES DOUBLE WATERFALLS!

* * *

Shino had never celebrated his birthday until he was assigned into Squad 8. His father never made a big deal out of it- no one in the Aburame clan did- so neither did Shino. Every year his father merely congratulated him on surviving another year. That was it. No cake. No presents. No party. And Shino was fine with that.

_"Shino! Why didn't you inform us that it was your birthday?" Kurenai asked before their squads daily training session._

_Shino shrugged, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "It's just another day, Kurenai-sensei."_

_"Just another day?!" Kiba shouted, jabbing his finger into Shino's chest. "A birthday is something special!"_

_"There are plenty of people who share this birthday."_

_"That__ doesn't matter, Shino! We are celebrating your birthday!"_

_Shino raised an eyebrow at the 'we' part._

_"Don't look at me like that! You are going to enjoy yourself! Now let's go get cake!"_

_And with that, Kiba forced Shino to go into the village._

Since that day, Shino never neglected his birthday… rather, Kiba would not let him. Every year, Kiba bought him a cake and spent the entire day getting the villagers to wish Shino a happy birthday. By the third year they celebrated together, Kiba began to buy Shino a present to go along with the cake. First it had been a new pair of sunglasses, the next year some new kunai, and last year it was a cute little teddy bear in a ladybug costume. (Shino actually sleeps with it when he's at home… not that he'd ever admit to it.) Shino was actually looking forward to see what present Kiba had found for him this year. However, he found himself disappointed when his teammate approached him with only a small cake and a big grin.

* * *

After the cake had been eaten and they had spent the day wandering around Konoha aimlessly, Kiba plopped down on a bench overlooking some water. Shino quietly sat down beside him, still slightly upset over the present… or rather, lack thereof.

"So are you ready for your present?"

Shino faced Kiba and stared at him with a confused expression.

"Close your eyes!"

Shino obeyed, not daring to peek because, unlike most other people, Kiba seemed to be able to see through the shades and could read Shino like a book on most occasions. He flinched a little as he felt Kiba tug his collar down a little but his discomfort quickly turned to extreme confusion and surprise as he felt a pair of lips, Kiba's lips, press against his own lightly. And just as quickly as it had happened, Kiba pulled away. Shino stared at him, wide-eyed, as a faint blush spread across his cheeks.

"Happy birthday, Shino."


	7. SASUKITTY

A/N: This is just a silly drabble to explain what the hell me and Kirihana are talking about when we are referring to Sasukitty. I FINALLY CAUGHT MY MALE SKITTY! YAY! I HAS SASUKITTY NOW!

* * *

"Nyao!"

Sasuke blinked and stared at the little black ball of fuzz that stared back up at mhim with it's large, eerie red eyes. It meowed again.

"IT'S A KITTY!" Naruto exclaimed happily, pointing wildly at the kitten.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." Sakura stated.

Sasuke continued his staring contest with the furry beast.

"You're a pretty kitty!" Naruto bent down and petted the kitten gleefully. It closed it's eyes and began purring, causing Naruto to practically joygasm. "HE LIKES ME!"

"How do you know it's a boy?" Sakura asked.

"I just do!" Naruto picked it up and held it out to Sakura, "See? A boy!" He then held the kitten out to Sasuke, "You wanna pet the kitty?"

Sasuke glared at the thing and, at least in Sasuke vision, the tiny fiend glared back at him. "I don't like cats."

"What?! How can you not like cats?" Sakura asked as she scratched the kitten behind its ears.

"Cats are evil, conniving little bastards. Like my brother."

"No they aren't!" Naruto declared, hugging the kitten close to his chest. Naruto giggled as he felt it purr and kissed its head lightly. "You're not like Itachi, are you?"

POOF

"Sorry I'm late." Kakashi appeared in front of his squad. He glanced at kitten being snuggled by Naruto, "What's with the cat?"

"We found him here on the training grounds, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura explained.

"His name is Sasukitty!" Naruto exclaimed. Sasuke's expression quickly changed from irritated to pissed.

"Why the HELL are you naming that… that THING after me?!"

Naruto laughed, "'Cause he kinda looks like you!"

"NARUTOOOOOOO!"

Sakura sighed as she watched Sasuke chase Naruto around, shouting various death threats. Naruto kept a tight grip on the kitten as he began to flee the training grounds, heading towards the village. Kakashi watched the spectacle for a few seconds before opening his newest book and reading it happily.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"C'mon Sasukitty! Let's go get some ramen!"


End file.
